By: Gen. Jim – 3/19/20
It is said that decisions we make in a real-life crisis are the best evidence of the way we actually do prioritize important interests. When I was in a crisis, pre-Christian life, I made a decision to seek truth (whatever that was in those days I really did not know) I did prioritize that seeking… which led me eventually to the Cross. Matters of how I was to live, where I was to go were important but, in the end, are subservient to and make way for the ULTIMATE matter of significance: peace in my empty & restless soul/spirit.
Both my wife-to-be & myself were in this lost circumstance of monumental crisis together. We were physically together but our souls needed more – salvation! We were two miserable human beings in pursuit of happiness – whatever that meant. Our quest was personal, i.e. to maximize happiness upon finding it. We were being led by a “force” we could not define, but we knew it was real. We did not know it but we were predetermined to find Jesus, the SOURCE of happiness.
Due to the spiritual derivative character of God in flesh that gave His life for sinners like us, we were guided in the right path of life to take. There were many paths in those days, enlightenment from the East made up many. All we knew was, we were hurting inside and needed healing. Drugs did not alleviate our pain. To that end we pushed on and on. Our travels took us up and down certain territories – both natural & spiritual.
Our lives in the world of the 60’s revolution, we found & sadly experienced, humans have an instinct for “inhumanity,” e.g. the Vietnam War. America was in a sad state of fighting a very unpopular war halfway across the world. I, before I took up with my wife to be, had been part of that “War” machine. But that war had been brought home to the society called America. I was mad inside over this but also sad for a relationship with a woman who I did not love but she had my kid. My wife to be was hurt over her younger brother (21) who had only died of cancer months earlier. She also had had a bad relationship. So, there we were… together. I secretly loved & adored her but was too cowardly to tell her. No sadistic fantasies entertained; only guilt, hurts & sadness, with anger on my part. We both repressed these feelings in order to cope with one another. Our consensual sexual behavior was erratic, and certainly not “God Blessed.” Later, after marriage, it was close to “divine” (my own words).
I had a good thing to fall back on: I really fell in love with Lila Carter (now Deborah Lila Green). I found out that this hurt woman (24) was really bright, although her past was darkened by circumstances afore mentioned. She was smart (college-educated) and pretty. But we both had a terrible cursing habit.
The predominant frame of mind in 1971 was to find inner peace/happiness, for ourselves and for others likeminded. Underneath whatever “religious” significance that attaches to being madly driven by an unknown/unseen force, we felt good about our quest.
Despite our inner (sometimes outer) pitiful and lamentable groans, cries & anguish, we did not give up. We suffered in many ways the months before we were saved. Some may not believe in the devil but I did. I felt his tyrannical assaults on my nerves, my body, my spirit. RUN! But I refused to run. Terror stalked my dreams, inimical to sweet dreams that I desired.
Had we decided to abort our quest, plainly an insidious error we often talked about, I would not be writing this article, nor would I be married to a most wonderful God-fearing woman of nearly 50 years.
So, this brings me to the apropos. Simply stated, it is this: We have been called by God for His purpose and plan. We did not know it at the time of our quest. We set off to find something good and meaningful where we could judge right from wrong against the baseline of whatever we have come to consider “right” behavior, not “sinful.” Without Christ in our hearts this is not possible. We can become “religious” but not “righteous.” Mere humanistic religion may give one power, e.g. “self-aggrandizing” & “self-perpetuating.” But the real deal is Christ in us the HOPE of GLORY.
Upon finding the pot of GOLD at the end of the rainbow, our desponding spirits were BORN AGAIN. Our soul famine turned into a soul feast… feeding on the Word(s) of God. Dozens of other blessings could be enumerated but that would take some time.
We’ve covered tremendous amounts of spiritual & physical territories over the years – together – there are more uncharted territories that lie ahead. Too many have become “Facebook” addicts, neglecting to see His face. But Deborah and I prefer the latter. Today’s shortcuts to peace/happiness are not THE WAY, but one of many ways. While modern tech has its place in the world, it can never replace a true living/loving relationship with Jesus – the author & finisher of our faith. With all the tech, the world still is a prisoner of Satan. Christ is the world’s liberator.
We found what our hearts longed for. What about you? Are you just one of the many participants that try but stop short of winning the prize?
There is NO TURNING BACK for us. We can’t lay down our backpacks till life’s journey is full over.
I still love the Lord & I’m still in love with my wife.
Vietnam: Cultural Context:
U.S. involvement in the Vietnam war lasted from the early 1960s until the mid 1970s (1975 exactly). By the war’s end, more than 47,000 Americans had been killed in action (KIA), plus nearly 11,000 that had died of other causes = 58,000! More than 303,000 had been wounded. Estimates of the Vietnamese army causalities range from 185,000 to 225,000 killed & 500,000 to 570,000 wounded.
The North Vietnamese//Viet Cong (= anti American, anti-South Vietnam Vietnamese fighting in south Vietnam), the guerrilla force, lost about (but not really known) 900,000 troops. In addition, more than 1 million North & South Vietnamese civilians were killed.
In 1976, North & South Vietnam reunited to form the Socialist Republic of Vietnam, which, due in large part to the Vietnamese occupation of Cambodia, continued to face domestic & international struggles thru the late 1980s.
Note: We (the U.S.) were not permitted to engage in warfare in Cambodia and Laos. But there were “special forces” (U.S.) that did Black Operations, aka. Black Ops, just the same. Lt. Col. James “Bo” Gritz was commander of the 5th Special Forces that slipped in and out of “Off limits” countries. He signed his comprehensive book – “A Nation Betrayed,” for me in the 1980s.
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